Do as I do.....only sometimes kid!

This morning has been fantastic so far. My alarm went off on my phone, which happens to be a crowing rooster! Did I get up? Nope, I started having a dream about living on a farm! What the hell?!? Don't you hate when that happens? At least my alarm isn't a toilet flushing...I may have shit the bed! So, I wake up (quickly!) and Katy is sitting on the bed next to me telling me that I  sound like a monster when I snore! I fly out of bed, and run for the bathroom! ( gotta pee before I even breathe in the AM) Lena see's me and starts whaling...MAAAAAAAAAAAA-MAAAAAAAAAAA! Obviously, I am not, must be my good morning looks! Anyway, had to pick her up and then pee! Have you ever peed in the morning holding a 1 year old? She is bending over as far as she can to see where it is coming from, I have no free hands to stop her, and because of that trash can of water I drank the night before...I feel like I am going for ever!!! Put on my wings, fly around the house, get clothes, shoes, socks, coats, gloves and hats.....kids are ready! Okay, lets go....Well, I am wearing fruit of the loom boxer-briefs and a tank top! Not good for driving the kids to school! Run upstairs and get changed! Now we are in the car and Katy exclaims, " Daddy, I hope my school is covered in snow so I don't have to go today! (there is less than an inch on the road!) I looked back, smiled, and said, "Me too princess!" we get to school on time, thanks to the Green Hornet!(the 7 seat grocery getter we have upgraded to!) On the way home Lena is screaming for chocolate! We accidentally introduced her to Co-Co Puffs cereal, and my God, does she love it! Sitting at breakfast, I passed gas. Not a little prrt or silent one, but one so loud and smelly that it would make a port-a-potty at a crowded festival hold it's nose! Lena looked at me, started turning bright red, hunched over, and squeezed out an outfit changing, high-chair sanitizing shit followed by a hearty belly-laugh and then yelled "faaaat"!!!! Made my morning! Have a great day people!!!